HeartBeat

It is the season of giving and receiving, and both are blessings that build upon each other. Giving often comes naturally, but receiving a gift is incredibly humbling. In many religions and cultures, we are taught that receiving is a form of selfishness. We may question why we are receiving such a gift, or feel unworthy of the presentation. Learning to receive is a difficult lesson to learn. Because of our discomfort in receiving, we offer dismissive responses such as, "You shouldn't have!" or "This is too much!" When we are stunted in expressing our gratitude, we deny the giver their value. Expressing gratitude means allowing the other person to feel the complete joy of giving. There is much vulnerability when we yield to another. We may feel beholden to respond with an equitable present. Reacting out of obligation actually takes away the blessing. Simply showing appreciation completes the cycle of giving and receiving, and it adds a dimension of trust in th...

Greed has such a negative connotation and emits a very low vibe. We immediately associate greed with money, and from an early age, we are taught to treasure our money. Wealth is not necessarily a bad thing. Earning money to meet our basic needs and a few luxuries fuels our independence and also provides a sense of security. When we fear a lack or have extreme financial insecurities, we tend to hoard our money and possessions. Those who have gone without, or grew up during the Depression Era, may have ingrained suffering equated with financial resources. The body remembers the feeling of scarcity or loss, and it is difficult to think in terms of abundance. Those concerned with social status may be preoccupied with materialism, which is a close relative to greed. Greed is not limited to money or to an individual person. We see greed in societies worldwide: Someone may take the credit for the work done by a group.  Someone may make false business expense claims.  Some...

There is so much pressure to make the holidays the most wonderful and magical time. While we feel the energy of the season, for some, our body remembers the pain from years past.  We drift into activities that are pain points and triggers such as songs, smells, and even nostalgic ornaments.  For those who are grieving the loss of a loved one, even the loss of a pet, the holidays can be difficult. Some may be revisiting the loss of a loved one's anniversary or birthday. There is a void at the table where a chair was once filled, only accentuating the loss. We have every intention of embracing the love and joy of the season, but the mind and heart hold contradictory feelings. Grief does not take the holidays off. So, whatever you are feeling, it's okay. It's okay to laugh and cry in the same sentence. And it's okay to feel the vortex of grief. Grief is not a permanent state of being. It's okay to feel moments of strength and faith and joy. You are not being disloyal...

Everyone goes through times when the bad exceeds the good in our life. Everyone experiences brief moments of anguish. Or maybe everything seems to go very wrong very quickly, and doom and gloom overshadow our ability to be positive. I'm not talking about depression; I'm talking about situational sadness. We may feel justified for throwing the pity party of the century. One bad day does give us room to process and deal with our feelings and reality. You are allowed to cry, scream, and pout in privacy. Tears are a natural process. This doesn't change your circumstances, but it does placate the soul. When you give yourself permission to cry, you are processing and physically releasing negativity. Just don't stay there because the negative thoughts are not helpful. Negative thoughts underscore your resentment and despair. This does nothing to change your circumstances. In terms of crying, society places this unrealistic burden of guilt, shame, and judgment. It is vita...

Compassion Fatigue is best described by Charles Figley, a Trauma Therapist: "We have not been directly exposed to the trauma scene, but we hear the story told with such intensity, or we hear similar stories so often, or we have the gift and curse of extreme empathy, and we suffer. We feel the feelings of our clients. We experience their fears. We dream their dreams. Eventually, we lose a certain spark of optimism, humor, and hope. We tire. We aren’t sick, but we aren’t ourselves.” Compassion Fatigue is most widely experienced by caretakers, educators, social workers, nurses, doctors, emergency responders, veterinarians, and animal rescue workers. Basically, anyone who helps people or animals in distress can fall victim to the secondary traumatic stress caused by the preoccupation with the damaged subject. Caring too much can hurt. When the focus is on others, and self-care is disregarded, destructive behaviors can take root. Do you consistently wake up tired in the morning? D...

 Most Americans have come to know Veteran's Day as a day for store sales and parades and free food for veterans. But for some, this day resonates with a deep bourdon note of a church organ. So many innocent years lost. We celebrated the life of my Uncle Carl, a former teacher and a proud veteran who served in the Army in Germany during the Vietnam War. Later his work with the Immigration and Naturalization Service eventually led to lead the National Firearms Unit in Altoona, PA, for several years. His last post before his retirement was serving in Washington, D.C. as a Deputy Director of the National Firearms and Tactical Training Unit. My Uncle Carl pursued his lifelong passion. He was a marksman and a competitive shooter, and he achieved the highest rating of High Master in the Police Pistol Combat competitive arena. He then represented the United States at the World Police and Fire Games in Calgary and Germany. To add to his accolades, he was on the Border Patrol (and l...

My neighbor clearcut his property a few years ago, mostly tall white pines, which had an impact on the vegetation of my property. For example, my shade garden became a heated hotbed, roasting my hostas. The increased exposure and sunlight boosted the regeneration of shelterwood, where food and shelter are an abundant supply for wildlife: squirrels, deer, fox, birds. I have to continually manage the regrowth to avoid overgrowth. His clear-cutting approach also imposed much vulnerability to the winds. I now have a lot of deadfall as only the sturdy and windfirm trees stand the test of time. Although my neighbor tried to convince me to do the same clear-cutting method, the white pines that have stood for centuries still stand on my lot. Despite the emotionally charged conversation, I approached the situation with logic and reasoning, weighing the pros and the cons. Vilifying the land or my neighbor was not an option. Sure, piled with the heavy snow and ice, the limbs come crashing down,...

DUI, DWI, OUI, call it whatever you want, mixing drinking with driving is never a good idea. Motor vehicle accidents are still one of the leading causes of death in the United States, and regardless of all the warnings, public awareness programs, and penalties people will still get behind the wheel while intoxicated. The legal limit is 0.08% BAC. To calculate BAC, take the grams of alcohol consumed and divide by the person's weight then multiply by 100.  Be aware that this formula does not consider personal factors that affect BAC: medication, weight, gender, body type, and food and water intake. A 160-pound man who drank two 12-ounce beers in an hour would have an approximate BAC of 0.02. While he is well below the legal limits of driving under the influence, he is 1.4 times more likely to have a crash than someone who is sober. A person with a BAC of 0.10 is 7 times more likely to have a crash. A person with a BAC of 0.15 is 25 times more likely to crash. Even though the le...

Let's face it, if we're honest, we all lie. The other day I was at a gathering where a controversial book was being discussed. When asked my opinion, I gave a regurgitated viewpoint of a review I had read. No, I did not read the book. They assumed I read it; I did not correct them. Instead, I continued to mislead them. Feeling heavy guilt, and enormous regret, I eventually did read the book. My opinion did not change, but my reasons were much different than the author of the review. I misrepresented myself. Whether it is a harmless "white lie" or an outright lie, a lie is a lie. Dishonesty is a passive-aggressive behavior used as a coping mechanism for confrontational situations, especially where we may be judged. Even offering a compliment or trying to shield the person from the truth can create problems later. This creates a vicious cycle of anxiety-ridden energy spent on keeping things hidden, remembering the details of the untruths, and fearing the discovery of ...

Tonight is the Hunter's Moon. According to the Farmers Almanac, full moon names are mostly derived from Native American and early American folklore to mark the seasons. The Hunters moon signals the time to go hunting and prepare for winter. It comes in the wake of the Harvest Moon, when crops were dug, leaving an open field for wild game to gorge, and thus making them an easy, baited target for hunters. There are many superstitions about full moons. My grandmother had so many. Much of the lore speaks to bringing good luck. However, one belief is that a full moon on a Sunday brings bad luck.  By the same token, many religious calendars follow in step with the moon. It's how we determine Easter as well as the end of Ramadan for example. On top of that, there are many full moon rituals that involve magic. When a full moon is approaching we can get a little crazy, sad or angry. The power of the moon exacerbates. Ask any teacher or nurse, and they will tell you ... If you ha...

We're in the midst of the fall season, and it is evident by the pumpkin theme found just about everywhere. Pumpkin lattes, pumpkin chocolate chip cookies, Limited-edition Pumpkin Spice Cheerios, Pumpkin Pie M & Ms, pumpkin pie gelato, pumpkin martinis, pumpkin soup, pumpkin candles, Pumpkin Spice Deodorant -- no thank you! Paint a pumpkin! Carve a pumpkin. Pumpkin is a sure sign of fall and it signals the last of the harvest. Pumpkins can last forever, about 12 weeks.  Jack-o-lanterns last about 8 days. If you put both in a tub of water, What do you think would happen? The pumpkin would float and the Jack would sink.  The scientific concept is called buoyancy. Pumpkin is hollow on the inside. The Jack-o-lantern is solid throughout. Positive buoyancy is when something is less dense than the water around it. This will make the object float. So here's the thing, some say that holding on is a sign of great strength. However, more it takes great fortitude to let g...

Wherever we are in life is temporary. We are in a constant flow of choice and change.  Positive change cannot happen with a negative mindset. Letting the past maintain its grip is immobilizing. Of course, we all have made bad choices. So, learn from them so that they define and fuel your future choices not your present state. We naturally evaluate risk vs reward, and we can say "Yes" or "No" to certain opportunities, or we can stand still throughout the chaos. Either choice triggers the next series of events. The bigger the decision and the more choices, the more impaired the decision-making process becomes. It seems intimidating and only becomes manageable when we gain more courage and confidence to accept where we are and then to take bold action. Here's the thing, when we are present in the moment we find meaning, even in the bad stuff. Life’s about being at peace with your past, your present, and your future. It is about being content with the choices th...

The word karma has been tossed around so much that its true meaning has been distorted. In pop culture, karma is often defined as people get what they deserve, a transaction. We think that when someone does something bad, something bad will happen to them in return. We may even believe that there is some tabulation calculating the good and the bad, keeping that in check as though karma is part of our legal system. Karma is Sanskrit and actually means action . Every action has a natural consequence, a cause and effect. We put forth bad karma by means of selfish actions. When we constantly defend or promote ourselves this is selfish. Maybe we manipulate others to get what we want. Perhaps we project our insecurities onto others. By reacting with anger, jealousy, and defensiveness all the time, we are conditioning the mind for anger, jealousy, and defensiveness. Karma's punishment is connected to your inner peace and happiness. We feel this every day, and it’s not stored for futur...

In life there are givers and there are takers. And in some cases, there are those who can balance both. We can easily see the people in our lives who we define as takers. Those who only perform if they are getting something in return. We can clearly identify those who are extremely selfish with their time and resources. They may appear to be successful but make no mistake, takers are toxic. No one wants to be defined as a taker and they may honestly feel as though the little they do give is quantifiable. On the other hand, givers often don't put themselves first, but they tend to be the most successful. They also tend to be happier. What elevates givers successes is their ability to time-block opportunities to help others. They set an intention to meet people where they are at, and they use their natural skills to offer help. Beware, it's easy for givers to be guilt-tripped into giving. So, setting boundaries is critical for your well being. So here's the thing, the mor...

The jury is still out on open office spaces. Open office space was designed with the concept of increasing collaboration and creativity, but it also creates unwanted distractions such as ringing phones and vibrations from devices. It's not only happening in businesses. The failed attempt at open school floor plans of the 1970s has similar implications. The premise was to increase critical thinking, creativity, and collaboration. Teachers found the open spaces to be a challenging environment for teaching and learning, particularly in regard to the noise level. Now those open concept schools use temporary partitions until permanent walls replace them. In my opinion, the design failed because teachers were not trained on how to use the space effectively. The current trend within classrooms, we see flexible seating plans - similar to the business model of open office space. It doesn't matter the venue or the age, the research shows that distractions in open spaces negatively im...

My neighbor has a rooster. I know this because I wake him up every morning. I get up every day at the same time. My dog's morning routine partly dictates my schedule, but I also value the first light of the day. The quality sleep I get energizes me to embrace the morning. When I manage my energy, I manage my productivity. I also get my energy from high-quality supplements as well as a personalized nutritional plan. What we eat at certain times of the day is also essential for energy optimization. Similar to meal prepping, a productive day is all about the organization and routine.  The first three hours of the workday are when I am most focused, so it makes sense to eliminate distractions and achieve the goal of the day. The brain becomes more creative when it is a little fatigued, so often those creative ideas will intuitively flow at the end of the workday. I do my best writing at night. So here's the thing, beginning my day by checking the phone, email, and social med...

When we think of peak performance, we may think of elite athletes, musicians, or even high-level executives. Performing our best is truly for everyone. I give my body what it needs to perform at a high level. I eat very healthily, and I exercise daily. The absolute most important thing I can do to elevate my productivity is getting quality sleep. I set very clear boundaries around that.   So here's the thing, operating a vehicle while sleep-deprived is similar to driving under the influence. Like alcohol, sleep exhaustion slows reaction time, decreases awareness, and impairs judgment. Lack of sleep has also been associated with accidents, poor memory, high blood pressure, diabetes, weight gain, mood swings, and even a low sex drive. Conversely, a night of good sleep will increase concentration, decrease stress, improve decision-making, and elevate mood.  Quality Sleep: Set a firm bedtime and practice backward planning. Avoid spicy foods in the evening as i...

For a very long time, I have been in awe of the innovation of technology and I can foresee tremendous upcoming growth in areas such as Augmented Reality, Data mining, Machine Learning, and Automation. Probably the most fascinating is the power of social media and the phenomena it creates. Although intended to bring people together, its platform has been used to rouse a false reality through rumors and unsubstantiated gossip which is more commonly culturally accepted. Technology is changing our values. Whether you are on social media or not, there is a cascade of trickling information we absorb through others in conversation. It has become easier to pass along the information in a seemingly harmless manner because everyone accepts it. Gossip is a venomous bite. We know this to be true when we personally experience negative consequences. Sharing hearsay, distorting the truth, and breaking confidentiality destroy relationships and cuts to the core. So here’s the thing, crows swirl aro...

This week heaven gained my family’s earth angel. As difficult as it is to sit with sadness, I am grateful for every visit, particularly my last visit with Aunt Bern last Saturday on her 91st birthday. I did not have to say a thing, she just knew and wrapped her words around my heart. We watched a Catholic mass on the small television in her hospital room. She gazed out the window several times beyond the cemetery at the church steeple piercing the sky. Then she reached across and held my hand. And as she spoke, hot tears streamed down my face. Her words burned in my mind and when I got to my car I wrote them all down in my journal. Time is passing so quickly. Do not be afraid. You will be loved. It never happened for me, but you will be loved again. You won’t be alone for long. You were betrayed and you have nothing to be ashamed of. God has not abandoned you, sweetheart. Be sure of your intentions. You need to have confidence. God is clearing the way for you. He is removing all...

My son had one request on the grocery list this week, Cheerios. When I navigated to the cereal aisle and found the Cheerios section, I had to take 3 steps back to take in the full panoramic view of all the options. I looked like a squirrel trying to cross the street. Did you know there are at least 16 flavors of Cheerios? His untimely response to my text put me in the position to make the decision for him, I didn't want to be wrong. To be honest, I almost just grabbed a box of Apple Jacks and called it good. The unanticipated choice overload was far too stimulating. From the simplest things of choosing the right cereal to choosing the right career path, I can be crippled by data overload. Analysis paralysis is caused by overthinking. The brain is constantly running and creating an immense feeling of overwhelm. The fabrication of "what-if" scenarios sucks me into this vortex. It elevates pressure and fear of not making the right decision. There is a plethora of ava...