#45 Honesty

Let's face it, if we're honest, we all lie. The other day I was at a gathering where a controversial book was being discussed. When asked my opinion, I gave a regurgitated viewpoint of a review I had read. No, I did not read the book. They assumed I read it; I did not correct them. Instead, I continued to mislead them. Feeling heavy guilt, and enormous regret, I eventually did read the book. My opinion did not change, but my reasons were much different than the author of the review. I misrepresented myself.

Whether it is a harmless "white lie" or an outright lie, a lie is a lie. Dishonesty is a passive-aggressive behavior used as a coping mechanism for confrontational situations, especially where we may be judged. Even offering a compliment or trying to shield the person from the truth can create problems later. This creates a vicious cycle of anxiety-ridden energy spent on keeping things hidden, remembering the details of the untruths, and fearing the discovery of the truth.

So here's the thing, life doesn't need to be this draining. Would you rather paddle upstream or downstream? When we speak directly, we are in flow with the current and we are more likely to be heard and understood. It also becomes easier for us to ask for and get what we want.

Exercise:
  1. Stop and think about how you truly feel. Be honest with your feelings.
  2. Formulate your words in a gentle and compassionate way.
  3. Think about the other person and give them the benefit of the doubt. Hold optimistic expectations of the person's response.
  4. Invite them into the conversation. Ask them if they would like feedback. If not, end-of-conversation.
  5. Speak conscientiously and empathetically. 
  6. The more open you are, the more receptive others will be. 
  7. Throughout the dialogue, stay true to who you are. 

And the more open we are, the more receptive people will be, eventually.  By speaking with intentionality from your heart, you will reduce strains on relationships and reach a clearer understanding.

Journal:
Why do I feel the need to be untruthful?
Is it because I fear the truth? Or fear being rejected?
Am I afraid to be authentic?
Does being authentic make me feel too vulnerable, unlovable?

Everything we do and say and think absolutely does matter in our relationships.

 May you be the reason someone still believes in magic, truth, authenticity, compassion, intelligent conversation, loyalty, courage, and love that doesn't have an agenda. (Brooke Hampton)
xo Audrey xo

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