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Financial abuse: when one person in the relationship uses money to gain power and control over another person.  Recently, I sat with a young woman as she unveiled her story. And as she spoke, a familiar wave of nausea rolled over me. The horrid details of her current situation were painfully clear that she was financially ruined. It begged the question, how did this woman allow this person into her life? Well, I know exactly how based on personal experience. At first, he acted like he was doing me a favor by managing all the finances. He professed to be an excellent financial manager and that it would be much easier to reach our financial goals with one person at the helm. He told me he could squeeze blood from a turnip. He told me to trust him. Financial abuse is virtually invisible, and it is subtle and gradual. It includes a progression of behavior patterns such as: Gives you an allowance for basic needs. Overreacts to simple purchases. Communicates with strong emo...

On Friday the sun reached its zenith and marked the start of summer. In the Northern Hemisphere, we welcome the celebratory summer solstice and reflect upon the blessings we received through the dark seasons, and we look toward new growth in the new season. The sun brings gladness, warmth, new beginnings, and edifying endings. In ancient times, on the summer solstice men and women would gather from different continents and pray for a bountiful harvest, fertility, prosperity, and abundance. At high noon they would give honor to the sun’s power to create and to sustain life. They would bolster the sun's power with bonfires and other traditions. Today, we may still give honor and recognition to the sun’s power to sustain us agriculturally and personally. Whether literally or figuratively, we can always celebrate new beginnings and endings. Living in the northern hemisphere and enduring a hard, dark winter can leave us depleted and yearning for the bright, warm energy of the sun...

Today is Father’s Day, Happy Father’s Day to all the wonderful dads and stepdads. It is the day my daughter shows leadership and addresses her class as their president at graduation, and it is the day I would have baked a German Chocolate cake for what would have been my brother’s 49th birthday.  It is a day full of high energy. On Father’s Day, we tend to reflect upon the masculine spirit. We have an inclination to typecast the male verve as an authority figure, a commander, a manager - one who is respected and obeyed. As one who makes decisions, delegates tasks and shows mastery and expertise in his field. Typically, we attach weight to the masculine energy that signifies competency, assertiveness, decisiveness, leadership, and authority. As a single mom, I often reflect upon my double role. I tend to lead by intuition and persuasion. I am incredibly nurturing and encouraging. And like many women, I express deep understanding, wisdom, compassion, and creativity. Yet, there...

Each of us has particular talents that make the world a better place. Perhaps these are things you gravitate towards in your free time, and that people respect you for. When you develop these talents as far as you can, you can make your most significant possible contribution to the world, and enjoy the satisfaction that goes along with this. There seems to be a growing consensus that to be successful one needs to earn top grades, participate and succeed in extracurricular activities such as sports, musical clubs, academic clubs, and social justice clubs to create a well-rounded high school resume. The intention of that resume is to be admitted to a prestigious university. Yes, academic success is essential, and all parents should want their children to be contributing community members. But there are times when the pressure of it all becomes tremendous. In my opinion, we need to encourage our kids to make a plan, find and follow their passion, to participate in a variety of acti...

Everyone makes mistakes and has regrets for past actions, but beware of the ambush of rumination and self-pity. Some people have a proclivity to regurgitate negative feelings and events. While it is true that we need to face the reality of our actions, these failures are our lessons to learn. The challenge is to make a positive spin on the situation so that that we simultaneously make amends and make better choices in the future. Shifting blame or building a bank of excuses is a sure sign that we are not ready to forgive ourselves. It’s a sign of weakness. The inability to practice self-forgiveness leads to collateral damage such as drug and alcohol abuse, eating disorders, and suicide. These spillover effects are gut-wrenching taboo topics. Offering understanding and empathy amid our own pain takes much more fortitude than wallowing in anger and regret. So here’s the thing, self-forgiveness is not about exonerating or condoning the past. Seeking forgiveness means accepting and...