A Mother's Identity


There are many stages of motherhood. Whether we face those stages as a single mom, a stepmom, a foster mom, or with a reliable partner, we are not immune to the modifications mothering has on us. With the tsunami of parenting tasks, we run the risk of losing our identity. At the very least motherhood will transform our being.

We enter motherhood with anticipation and expectation. Nesting and euphoric optimism pervades. Permission is granted to slow down, exercise less, and eat more. We tend to disregard our own basic needs. It is imperative you set the tone for how to you will take care of yourself. Exercise with your baby. Sleep when your baby sleeps. Understand that weight loss happens in the kitchen so organize and meal prep. Adopt the moto cook once; eat twice.

Before we know it, we enter the exhaustion stage, survival mode. We simply cannot do it all and do it all well. Running simple errands with little ones in tow is complicated. When they are tiny, we justify and say that it will be easier to put our own needs ahead when the kids are older. It does not get easier. So put into practice playful parenting. Set reasonable standards for yourself. The dishes will wait. Your home will look lived in. It's alright.

We put our toddler's creative outlets ahead of your own. Tantrums run amuck. It's easy to feel like you are coming unglued. Breathe. Know it is temporary. Do not take it personally. Document the hilarious things your kids say. Get creative, book some studio time for yourself. Keep it simple and sustainable.

We focus on their education and growth with field trips and high adventure. Great mountain hikes, open ocean paddling, or flowy bike trails. At times it may feel like Carnival Mom! Know that you are setting a strong foundation for them, experiences from which they can draw. They will eventually return to these roots. Do take yourself on your own adventures. Do not restrain yourself based on your child's limitations. Take a course, join an adventure group, or take a solo getaway.

We recoil when they hit those teen years and pull away. Emotions run high, very similar to those toddler years. Our worries are magnified with topics such as drugs, alcohol, sex. Do not engage in power struggles. Let them talk. Encourage them to talk. If you're scared to bring up a topic, then that conversation is absolutely necessary. Hard truths with no judgment will open lines of communication. Now is the time to learn who they are as an individual. At the same time, carve out time to get together with your friends. Build your network of supportive people who understand you. Now is really the time for you to know who you are without your children.

And the grand finale, we have no choice but to let go. It will be lonely; no one wants to be alone. It is the work you have done on you for the past 18 years that prepares you for this moment. Trust and let go. So here's the thing, to know who you are, to like yourself, and to embrace your freedom is just as liberating as the wings you've given to your children.

The role of the mother becomes satisfying when our own daughters become mothers and mirror back our traits. The promotion to grandmother gives you that objective, birdseye view. And we learn from our past and pass the torch. Be grateful you had this opportunity that some only long for. Leaving your legacy is a remarkable gift. When our mom's leave this earth, the woman we become begs the answer to this question: “What would my mom do in this situation?”

Exercise: 
Befriend a mother in all decades: 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s...
Where can you find these moms? Meet them where they're at:
     Visit an assisted living center or nursing home.
     Take a field trip to a local playground.
     Attend a middle school or high school sporting event.
     Hang out in the diaper department.
There is much to learn from each other.

 Ponder this: If you were completely unsupervised, no kids in tow, what would you do right now?

Life's Lesson: Do not compare your life before motherhood to your present state. Motherhood does change you. Expect change. The best lessons in life have come from mothering. Being a mom is humbling.

From the sweetest spot in my heart to yours, may your Mother's Day be filled with honor, wisdom, and love.
~Audrey 

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