Relationship Addiction


It’s no secret that I am a genuinely caring and affectionate person. Some days my need to surround myself is greater than others. And there is no agenda or strings attached when I do offer tenderness and understanding. Last week I enjoyed so much attention, affection, and conversation. I think it’s interesting how the many people I know express love and affection in very different ways. 

When we are conveying our love and warmth, it is essential that we come from a place of sincerity rather than a need to fill a void. It is incredibly enervating when others look to have their emptiness supplied by us. It is also highly enabling when we allow others to seek love and attention from us. It is called codependence or “relationship addiction.” It prevents one from paying attention to their own emptiness and the head-on realization that filling oneself with self-love allows them to reciprocate accordingly. 

There are many reasons for relationship addiction, such as: enduring unhealthy relationships to avoid being alone, being the go-to person for everyone, rescuing and fixing everyone’s problems, seeking approval from others, having self-limiting beliefs, and feeling like nothing you do is ever going to be good enough for your partner. All of this is fear based. When fear overburdens the left side of the brain, it shuts down. When we remain hypervigilant for an extended period, we focus more on the external, like the emotions of others. Over time the brain becomes more adept at figuring other people’s feelings with a disregard for our internal needs and emotions. Does that make sense? It’s brain research.

By paying attention to our own emotional needs, we can form healthy relationships. We are not here to meet every demand of our partners, family, friends, and acquaintances or keep them constantly entertained. It is an unfair expectation and harbors them from experiencing any pain or raw emotions. They have their own life to live. 

We benefit ourselves and others when we take care of ourselves. Thus, we can interact and communicate with others so that we are adding to each other, then we create a mutually beneficial relationship, not one of dependence or addiction. When you are in the right relationship, the affection shared will not feel burdensome. 

So here’s the thing, the fear of being alone is real. We are not designed to be alone. But I would rather be alone than be entwined with barbed wire in the wrong relationship. The world needs giving, loving, compassionate and empathic people. However, we also need to receive loving kindness and compassion in return. It is the unwritten, unspoken rule of reciprocity. That notion of receiving and giving is sometimes difficult for people who are locked in one-sided relationships. 

Exercise: 
Take an honest look at your relationship(s) and examine your emotions.
Where do I need to set definitive boundaries?
Where am I overextending myself?
Where is the imbalance?
Who is draining me?
Who do I need to take a break from? 
Which close friends can I rely on for objectivity and support?

Most definitely an earth-shattering exercise for me. So take care of yourself, find a theme song that elevates you and symbolizes your inner being. Place that song on repeat this week.

My Life Lesson: I am enough. I do not need a relationship to feel complete, and I will not hoard my love and affection only to be doled out on set conditions. 

From the sweetest spot in my heart to yours, may the genuine love and affection you share be mirrored back to you two-fold. 
~Audrey



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