Judging Others

Did you know the window for a first impression is 7 seconds? We naturally evaluate people based on first impressions and our own perceptions. Knowing this, we must consider the face value of our preconceived judgments. When we judge, we are looking for specific evidence, which classifies the person as a threat, a friend, or neutral party. We make assumptions.

Even though no one wants to be referred to as judgmental, there is a propensity evaluate and pass judgment. To be considered judgmental carries a very negative connotation, but the fact is, everyone does judge. It is basically not possible to remain completely judgment-free. However, it is important to discern between trusting inner guidance and casting judgment.

Our intuition is our inner voice that will not shut off. We all have it and can work to make that stronger. Intuition usually reveals itself in a swift physical reaction: a flutter in our stomach, sweaty palms, or a chill or tingling. This serves as a navigational tool to steer our opinions and interpretations. This is different than making a judgment. Judgments bring down the hammer to a conclusive decision. It’s a crushing action. If the only tool you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail. The law of instrument declares everyone either inherently good or inherently bad. Judgments leave no space for conversation or consideration, whereas opinions welcome further reflection. Use your intuition to formulate assumptions amenable to reconsideration. By staying open, we avoid the judgment zone.

At the heart of the tendency to criticize and judge, we often find insecurity. To understand our vulnerabilities, we must get to the root source which is typically a mix of inadequacy, isolation, fear, and hopelessness. When we feel unconfident and unsure of ourselves, we judge ourselves to be so. Pinpoint your insecurities, then focus on your abilities. Compete with yourself and challenge yourself to be better than yesterday. When we banish our insecurities, we banish self-judgment.

So here’s the thing, often we judge in others what we hope we do not possess in ourselves. Truthfully, we cannot identify in someone that which we do not possess in ourselves. We filter people through our belief system, and if someone does not align with our personal standards, we disapprove, we character assassin. When we are continually evaluating, classifying, labeling, analyzing others, that beckons a self-evaluation. In my opinion, it becomes virtually impossible to not feel uncomfortable by judging others. As we come to accept that we do regularly judge, we can then begin to grow more aware of when we are doing so. As we break free of judgment, we quiet the mind. We also break barriers and make connections with others as well.

Exercise: Share the Story
A young couple moves into a new neighborhood. The next morning while they are eating breakfast, the young woman sees her neighbor hanging laundry outside.

“That laundry is not very clean,” she said. “She doesn’t know how to wash correctly. Perhaps she needs better laundry soap.”

Her husband looked on but remained silent.

Every time her neighbor would hang her laundry to dry, the young woman would make the same comments.

About one month later, the woman was surprised to see nice clean laundry on the line and said to her husband: “Look, she has learned how to wash correctly. I wonder who taught her this?”

The husband said, “I got up early this morning and cleaned our windows.”

This begs the question, what window are you looking out of?

It is only when we come to accept that we do regularly judge, can we then begin to raise our awareness. "Our indignation over the behavior of others is usually about an unresolved aspect of ourselves. If we listen to everything that comes out of our mouths when we talk to others, judge others, or give advice, we should just turn it around and give it to ourselves." Give this some credence. When you do find yourself judging, you can use it as an opportunity to ask yourself:

• What is it that this person is showing me about myself?
• Where does this insecurity come from?
• When have you experienced this type of judgment?

My life’s lesson: When I use my intuition as a barometer, I allow for more malleable opinions. If I judge people, I cannot love them. When people judge me, it says more about them than it does about me.

From the sweetest spot in my heart to yours, may your week be blessed with love & laughter,
~Audrey