Island Life



We all require time alone. Yes, even the most gregarious outgoing people benefit from solitude. I cherish time alone when I crave good art or music, or lose myself in a good book, or delve into a personal project or home improvement plan. When I carve out that time for me, I can intentionally focus on those activities as well as my running, hiking, biking, beach walking, or even prepping healthy meals. Sometimes I need to be alone to just do nothing, maybe float on the water. Our alone time revitalizes and replenishes us, grounding us in our own company. If sitting alone with your thoughts scares you, then that is precisely what you need to do.

I need to proceed with caution as I know I must discern between solitude and isolation. When I intend to hide, withdraw, or not deal with my harsh reality, that is a huge red flag for me, a bitter reminder of my past. The easy path is to cower in an insulating, protective bubble. I am not saying this is wrong, but I am advising not to stay there too long. There is a reason solitary confinement is used as a punishment. I often choose to isolate myself when I need to meet a deadline or when I am dealing head-on with a life-defining situation. Particularly in the summer, I can go days without seeing or speaking to a single person. My reasoning seems clear to me, I do not want to burden my circle with my struggle, or I am attacking a project with brute tenacity and focus. Sometimes, pushing ourselves to deal with our issues without isolating can be one of the best gifts we can give to ourselves. 

Living in an insular world long term does more than harm than good. Divorce divides more than it multiplies. And there is a generalization that classifies single people as lonely. But I can tell you, I am not lonely. I have a deep, rich inner life. Conversely, I was at my most lonesome when bound by my former spouse. Besides marriage and divorce, other life events like childbirth, sickness, empty nest, death, or eldercare can also invoke a feeling of isolation. 

Many platforms can make a person feel connected, Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, Snapchat. These apps have become the Great Comforter and keep us more connected than ever. However, research shows that over time, this technology fuels envy and longing, creating a false sense of connectedness and superficial relationships at the expense of reality. So reach out and create some face-to-face interactions. 

By nature, people want to belong to a social group, and we thrive on human interaction and contact. Our lives cannot occur in a vacuum, we are not an island unto ourselves, and we cannot fully live in this world without interacting with others. Consider using alone time for rest, reinvigoration, and personal growth. Isolation can then not only empower you, but it can allow you to return to your work and your relationships restored and ready to embrace life. 

In my blog “Creative Anxiety” I made the statement, I spend a vast amount of time alone, yet I fully embrace the social scene. It is a matter of checking in with myself. No one is harder on me than me. It is possible to shape my life to support my individual and social needs.

Exercise:
Take some time in solitude to assess how much time and energy you spend on various areas of your life. 
  1. Draw a blueprint of a house made up of many rooms.
  2. Give each aspect of your life its own room, and size each room according to its degree of importance or time spent. Include areas of life such as family, friends, solitude, activities, hobbies, work and career, healthy eating, indulgences, exercise, and personal development. 
  3. Evaluate those compartments:
  • Where am I exhausting my time, energy, or efforts? 
  • Does this enhance my life?  
  • Am I adding value to my life right now?
  • Is this restoring me?
Drill down and get very personal and specific:
  • Am I able to concentrate in this environment or is this too much stimuli?
  • Am I satisfied sitting alone listening to music, or do I require the deep conversation of a friend?
My life lesson: It's okay to march to the beat of your own drum. So objectify and time-block your calendar around that rhythm.  

From the sweetest spot in my heart to yours, may your moments of solitude reap so much happiness, health, and fulfillment.

~Audrey

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