Island Life



We all require time alone. Yes, even the most gregarious outgoing people benefit from solitude. I cherish time alone when I crave good art or music, or lose myself in a good book, or delve into a personal project or home improvement plan. When I carve out that time for me, I can intentionally focus on those activities as well as my running, hiking, biking, beach walking, or even prepping healthy meals. Sometimes I need to be alone to just do nothing, maybe float on the water. Our alone time revitalizes and replenishes us, grounding us in our own company. If sitting alone with your thoughts scares you, then that is precisely what you need to do.

I need to proceed with caution as I know I must discern between solitude and isolation. When I intend to hide, withdraw, or not deal with my harsh reality, that is a huge red flag for me, a bitter reminder of my past. The easy path is to cower in an insulating, protective bubble. I am not saying this is wrong, but I am advising not to stay there too long. There is a reason solitary confinement is used as a punishment. I often choose to isolate myself when I need to meet a deadline or when I am dealing head-on with a life-defining situation. Particularly in the summer, I can go days without seeing or speaking to a single person. My reasoning seems clear to me, I do not want to burden my circle with my struggle, or I am attacking a project with brute tenacity and focus. Sometimes, pushing ourselves to deal with our issues without isolating can be one of the best gifts we can give to ourselves. 

Living in an insular world long term does more than harm than good. Divorce divides more than it multiplies. And there is a generalization that classifies single people as lonely. But I can tell you, I am not lonely. I have a deep, rich inner life. Conversely, I was at my most lonesome when bound by my former spouse. Besides marriage and divorce, other life events like childbirth, sickness, empty nest, death, or eldercare can also invoke a feeling of isolation. 

Many platforms can make a person feel connected, Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, Snapchat. These apps have become the Great Comforter and keep us more connected than ever. However, research shows that over time, this technology fuels envy and longing, creating a false sense of connectedness and superficial relationships at the expense of reality. So reach out and create some face-to-face interactions. 

By nature, people want to belong to a social group, and we thrive on human interaction and contact. Our lives cannot occur in a vacuum, we are not an island unto ourselves, and we cannot fully live in this world without interacting with others. Consider using alone time for rest, reinvigoration, and personal growth. Isolation can then not only empower you, but it can allow you to return to your work and your relationships restored and ready to embrace life. 

In my blog “Creative Anxiety” I made the statement, I spend a vast amount of time alone, yet I fully embrace the social scene. It is a matter of checking in with myself. No one is harder on me than me. It is possible to shape my life to support my individual and social needs.

Exercise:
Take some time in solitude to assess how much time and energy you spend on various areas of your life. 
  1. Draw a blueprint of a house made up of many rooms.
  2. Give each aspect of your life its own room, and size each room according to its degree of importance or time spent. Include areas of life such as family, friends, solitude, activities, hobbies, work and career, healthy eating, indulgences, exercise, and personal development. 
  3. Evaluate those compartments:
  • Where am I exhausting my time, energy, or efforts? 
  • Does this enhance my life?  
  • Am I adding value to my life right now?
  • Is this restoring me?
Drill down and get very personal and specific:
  • Am I able to concentrate in this environment or is this too much stimuli?
  • Am I satisfied sitting alone listening to music, or do I require the deep conversation of a friend?
My life lesson: It's okay to march to the beat of your own drum. So objectify and time-block your calendar around that rhythm.  

From the sweetest spot in my heart to yours, may your moments of solitude reap so much happiness, health, and fulfillment.

~Audrey

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Rationalilty

My neighbor clearcut his property a few years ago, mostly tall white pines, which had an impact on the vegetation of my property. For example, my shade garden became a heated hotbed, roasting my hostas. The increased exposure and sunlight boosted the regeneration of shelterwood, where food and shelter are an abundant supply for wildlife: squirrels, deer, fox, birds. I have to continually manage the regrowth to avoid overgrowth. His clear-cutting approach also imposed much vulnerability to the winds. I now have a lot of deadfall as only the sturdy and windfirm trees stand the test of time. Although my neighbor tried to convince me to do the same clear-cutting method, the white pines that have stood for centuries still stand on my lot. Despite the emotionally charged conversation, I approached the situation with logic and reasoning, weighing the pros and the cons. Vilifying the land or my neighbor was not an option. Sure, piled with the heavy snow and ice, the limbs come crashing down,
Read more

Receiving

It is the season of giving and receiving, and both are blessings that build upon each other. Giving often comes naturally, but receiving a gift is incredibly humbling. In many religions and cultures, we are taught that receiving is a form of selfishness. We may question why we are receiving such a gift, or feel unworthy of the presentation. Learning to receive is a difficult lesson to learn. Because of our discomfort in receiving, we offer dismissive responses such as, "You shouldn't have!" or "This is too much!" When we are stunted in expressing our gratitude, we deny the giver their value. Expressing gratitude means allowing the other person to feel the complete joy of giving. There is much vulnerability when we yield to another. We may feel beholden to respond with an equitable present. Reacting out of obligation actually takes away the blessing. Simply showing appreciation completes the cycle of giving and receiving, and it adds a dimension of trust in th
Read more

Tears

Everyone goes through times when the bad exceeds the good in our life. Everyone experiences brief moments of anguish. Or maybe everything seems to go very wrong very quickly, and doom and gloom overshadow our ability to be positive. I'm not talking about depression; I'm talking about situational sadness. We may feel justified for throwing the pity party of the century. One bad day does give us room to process and deal with our feelings and reality. You are allowed to cry, scream, and pout in privacy. Tears are a natural process. This doesn't change your circumstances, but it does placate the soul. When you give yourself permission to cry, you are processing and physically releasing negativity. Just don't stay there because the negative thoughts are not helpful. Negative thoughts underscore your resentment and despair. This does nothing to change your circumstances. In terms of crying, society places this unrealistic burden of guilt, shame, and judgment. It is vita
Read more