Forgiving the Unforgivable



It’s a tender subject, forgiveness, stirring up lots of memories and churning emotional gravity. Forgiveness though is indeed heart medicine. When we forgive the unforgivable, we do so for ourselves, for our release. 

To be clear, forgiving does not mean forgetting. And forgiving does not guarantee a return to the status quo - nor should it. Forgiving is choosing to alleviate ourselves from the burden of being the victim. Know this circumstance does not define you. So, hold compassion for yourself and know your situation is temporary. 

Months ago, I was walking along the surf when this thought washed over me and pervaded me for months: Forgive him. He knows not what he did. That resonated with me for quite some time. I delved into the etymology of the verb to know and developed this synthesis: His "knowing" is limited to his experiences. The process of forgiving challenges us to shift our thinking. For me, it was a huge paradigm shift. 

No one goes into a marriage thinking it will end in a bitter divorce. I remember the exact moment I knew my marriage was over and there was nothing I could do to save it: the grief, the anger, the utmost despair. In my experience, forgiving requires us to open ourselves, suspend judgment, and to engage in alternative ways of thinking. By being broad-minded and non-judgmental, I found that truth and understanding exist in many forms - his and mine. Sadly, he bases his perception of the world on feelings of scarcity, which caused this inculpability, freeing him from any guilt. 

When I view my situation through that lens, it lifts the burden of grief and despair - that churning and burning emotional vortex. It released me. 

Though the loss is grievable, I recognize the beginning of a new phase, and the life lesson I’ve come to learn: 
Justice is blind.
Honor truth always.
No matter what, stand for truth.
Be fair.
Be prudent.
Stay objective.
Keep your heart open.

You don’t need an apology to forgive. You need new eyes. Think in pencil. Be willing. Forgiveness won’t change your past, but it certainly will change your future. It’s an ongoing process, this business of forgiveness. There is always going to be someone or something to forgive. I’m not saying it’s going to be easy if it were everyone would be jumping on the forgiveness bandwagon. 


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