Creative Anxiety

This past week I had a delightful evening with these incredible master storytellers. Mesmerizing and a complete joy to acknowledge their work and contributions to the arts. I have been thinking a lot about creativity and passion lately. There is an interview with Kelly Pollack, Executive Director of the Center Of Creative Arts in which she states, “The value of arts education and the creative process is also about developing the skills that are most in demand in today’s workforce—creativity, critical thinking, collaboration, and ingenuity.”

And she is right. The world needs creative thinkers now more than ever. From a personal perspective, businesses are changing their hiring approach and methods; parents are encouraging their children to have an open global vision; educators are creating highly engaging units of study to bring curiosity and authenticity to the forefront. Some rise to the occasion, while others are not equal to the task.

Despite that we can unequivocally agree that creativity is a game changer, anxiety often puts the brakes on creativity. I have had a long-standing, stormy relationship with the blank page. It’s my number one problem, and I’m committed to overcoming. Anxiety is everywhere in the creative process: procrastination, marketing work, juggling multiple ideas and projects, work incompletion, avoidance.

My dear friend, longtime writing mentor, an award-winning novelist and songwriter, Cathie Pelletier recently prodded me, “Remember that spark or a gift---and I thought you had it…” It has always been said that still waters run deep with Audrey. And it’s true; I see the world differently than most. For the most part, I can zero in on my goals, organize, and focus. I am a git-r-dun kind of girl. During my career in the field of professional development and training, I had no problem seeing projects through to completion. It was logical, analytical thinking. It’s a different story when it comes to my productivity in the creative process. And I was called out on it during an evaluation, “Audrey, you are an underperforming genius.” Whoa! Half build up; half put down; FULL disclosure. I accept this honest critique with grace, humility, and tenacity.

So here’s the thing: I am different. I bring a diverse deck of cards to the table. There is an internal struggle to simultaneously fit in and stand out. I have many contradictions in my line of thinking and reasoning:

• I care what people think, yet I am not influenced by the opinions of others.
• I have high legal, moral and ethical standards and abide by rules, yet I break the mold and make my own rules and challenge the status quo.
• I spend a vast amount of time alone, yet I fully embrace the social scene.
• I am wise with my finances, yet I am not motivated by money.

I contradict myself. I contain multitudes. Still, further, I am often plagued and paralyzed by questions of destructive self-doubt:

• Where do I start?
• What if my ideas really suck?
• How do I elude my perfectionist tendencies?
• How do I manage my time to write?
• What’s the best venue to get my voice heard?
• How do I market myself as well as I market others?
• How do I handle criticism and praise?
• Now the big question: How do I keep this momentum going for my entire life?

These questions torment even the most accomplished creative people I know. Perhaps they resonate with you as well. So, I ventured out and spoke with some creatives and implemented some outrageous ideas. It was suggested by most to begin by retraining the neurons in the brain to fire differently. Speaking for myself, here are some unconventional, Zen-mode methods you may want to employ:

• Deep breathing - There are many techniques. I find this one highly useful:
• Take a deep breath. Hold your breath at the top. Sip in a little more. Swallow. And let your exhale be longer than your inhale. Do that at least three times slowly, and you will feel the rush of calm.
• Do routines backward, in reverse order. I always put my pants on first - always right foot first, then shirt - always right arm first...So I mixed it up, I began with my shirt - left arm first, and so on... Brush your teeth with your opposite hand. Eat and drink with the opposite hand. Sleep on the opposite side of the bed.
• Visualize success. Used in my coaching days, the visualization technique elevated my teams among the elite, becoming highly competitive in their division.

SO NOW IT GETS REAL:

• Decide what is important to you. Prioritize. Set smart goals.
• Give your project a name. I’ve named a few projects: Transparency Time, The Book, and The Crap Audrey Says - an ongoing list of mostly one-liners that fly out of my mouth.
• My good friend Julie Kingsley from the Manuscript Academy point blank says to get off social media. It’s a distraction. Commit to a daily timeframe or a number of words per day. Yes, daily!
• Track your progress. Adopt the motto: "If it wasn’t documented, it wasn’t done."
• Seek out supportive partners in the arts. Widen your circle of creative, like-minded friends.
• My colleague, Sarah, recommends changing your location. Get into a neutral space. Go to a coffee shop. Take a weekend retreat; go somewhere you have never been.
• Embrace curiosity. Try something new. Be spontaneous. Ask questions.
• Share to an authentic audience.
• Don’t forget to celebrate success.

Creative anxiety is crippling. When stripped down to its core, anxiety is fear-based: a fear of the future, a fear of the unknown, fear of failure, fear of disappointment, fear of rejection.

However, not all suffer such creative blocks. In my dialogue with Cathie, who writes for a living and competes with the best writers in America, had this to say:
   “I don't suffer from writer's block. I never have.  I refuse to. At a conference, several of us on a panel were asked what we do to keep working, or if we hit a "block." I was last. There were many fancy answers, as in yoga, meditation, a long walk in the mountains, an hour or two of gardening, running with dogs on the beach. When they came to me, I said, 'I promise myself that if I work another hour I can play 15 minutes of my favorite computer game, Plants Vs. Zombies.' Too many times, in my opinion, writing is made to sound like a Zen Exercise rather than a difficult, hands-and-neck aching job. But in the end, every writer, if they do it for a living, should do what works for them."

My life’s lesson: I firmly believe that everyone has some untapped creative genius in them.
You are the expert on you, and you will automatically do what's best and, moreover, what's right for you. So do it, knowing full well that it requires diligent, systematic effort. Grit. Resilience.

• So regarding harnessing your creative power, what’s working for you? 
• What must be jettisoned? 
• How do you get out of your own way?

So my friends, may your week be blanketed in creative joy!
~Audrey